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Do I want to stay in my marriage?

Such a difficult question!


As a breakup and Divorce Coach, I  work with people at all stages of their breakup, and this is such a common question.


Often, when we think about leaving our partner, we think of how it will affect others in our lives above ourselves, for example:


  • What effect will it have on the children?

  • What will my friends and family say?


You may also question:

  • Am I a failure if I leave my marriage?

  • How will I cope alone?

  • How will I manage financially?

  • Will I ever love again?


All these questions and more will be constantly running around in your head, but you must do what you feel is right for you, in the long term.


Here are some questions to ask yourself,that may help you get unstuck and decide how to move forward:


  • What am I unhappy with in my relationship?

  • What needs to change to enable me to feel I want to stay in my relationship?

  • Do I feel it is possible for those changes to become a reality and sustainable?

  • What if  I make changes to my behaviour, to see if I get a different result?

  • What am I willing to compromise on, or change about myself?

  • What am I willing to commit to doing to improve my relationship?

  • How long do I give myself to see if these changes are working?




Obviously, it's far better if your partner can answer these questions as well, as there is only so much you can do on your own, after all a relationship is a two-way process.


It’s also helpful for you to lean into what you are most afraid of, as often it’s fear of the unknown that keeps us stuck.


Ending a relationship or marriage can be scary, but staying in a relationship that isn’t making you happy can be a life sentence.


You really need to believe you deserve better!


Facing your fears head-on, can be difficult and challenging, but by doing this and acknowledging those fears,  dials down the intensity they hold over you, allowing you to lean into them and find ways to overcome them.


It’s also useful to write down, what worries you the most about leaving your relationship then, dump those fears down on a piece of paper and stare them in the face.


Then sit somewhere quietly and comfortably with a cup of tea and calmly ask yourself these questions:


  • What can I do to overcome these fears?

  • What do I  need to know?

  • Who can I contact who can help me?

  • Who is the right person / friend to talk about this?

  • Who could help me prepare for my separation/ divorce?

  • What choices do I have?

  • What are the benefits to me leaving my relationship?

  • What will I be able to do ,if I leave that I couldn’t do before?

  • What’s the worst-case scenario?

  • What’s best thing that will come out of this?


Whatever you decide, I hope these questions and the answers you come up with are of help.


If you would like to reach out for a professional, non-judgemental ear, I’m here to help you.


Why not book a  20-minute  complimentary Discovery call so I can understand your unique situation, and we can plan how we can work together.


Let’s speak soon.


Sarah x


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