Top Tips for Planning Your Summer Holidays When You’re Separated or Divorced
- sarahsteelecoachin
- May 12
- 4 min read
By Sarah Steele, Accredited Breakup and Divorce Master Coach, Life Coach and Neuro Linguistic Practitioner.
It may only be the start of May, but the school holidays are approaching fast, and if you’re separated or divorced, this time of year can bring up mixed emotions. Planning how your children will spend their summer can be stressful, especially when it involves negotiating with your ex-partner.
However, with the right mindset, clear communication, and a solid plan, you can reduce tension and ensure your children have a joyful and memorable summer.
The aim is always to put your children’s happiness and stability first, while also making space for fairness and flexibility for both parents.
Here are my top tips to help you navigate this important time:
1. Plan Early and Communicate Clearly
Start conversations well in advance of the holidays to allow time for negotiation and compromise.
Propose a schedule that works for you—but make sure it’s realistic and includes specific dates and times.
Be respectful and professional in your approach; you’re co-parents, not opponents.
Create a shared calendar to visually map out plans, including trips, family events, or activities.
If there’s conflict, consider using a neutral platform or co-parenting app like Our Family Wizard to communicate.
Key Reminder: Planning ahead reduces the likelihood of last-minute disputes and gives your children the gift of knowing what to expect.
2. Acknowledge Prior Commitments and Be Flexible
Respect any prior plans your ex may have made, especially if they involve family traditions or travel.
Factor in your child’s activities, sports clubs, summer camps, or events they may already be looking forward to.
Flexibility is key. If you both show a willingness to compromise, you set a strong example for your children and make things smoother in the future.
Questions to Reflect On:
What does an ideal summer feel like for you and your children?
What’s truly important about the time you’re planning?
How can you support your child's sense of security and belonging?
3. Be Clear on Handovers and Transitions
Agree in advance on exact locations, times, and methods for handovers to avoid confusion or conflict.
Choose neutral, low-stress meeting points like school gates, parks, or a mutual family member’s home.
Keep transitions child-focused. A calm and kind tone at handovers can significantly influence your child’s emotional response.
Tip: Consider a small ritual to mark the transition, like a special goodbye hug or a short chat to share something positive. This helps reassure your child and reduces anxiety.
4. Put Your Children’s Experience at the Centre
When negotiating the summer schedule, try viewing the situation through three different lenses:
1. Your perspective:
What do you want and need? What emotions are influencing you? Are you seeking fairness, rest, fun, or something else?
2. Your ex’s perspective:
How might they be feeling? What’s motivating them? Practising empathy can shift deadlock into dialogue.
3. Your child’s perspective:
How will this feel for them? What do they want? Think about their age, personality, and their emotional needs.
Now step back and ask yourself:
As an outsider looking in, what advice would you give both parents? How could you both cooperate better?
5. Focus on What You Can Control
There may be times when the other parent won’t cooperate, but remember:
You can control your tone, your language, and your emotional regulation.
You can model healthy conflict resolution and emotional intelligence.
You can ensure your time with your children is meaningful, no matter the schedule.
Self-Care Tip: Plan something enjoyable for yourself during the time your children are away. This helps reduce feelings of loss or resentment and keeps your energy up.
6. Be Creative with Your Quality Time
It’s not about expensive holidays; it’s about creating connections.
Ask your children what they’d like to do this summer.
Try new things together: DIY crafts, treasure hunts, garden camping, visiting free museums or local nature trails.
Create a summer “memory jar” or “photo wall” to document your adventures.
Encourage your kids to make postcards or journals about their time with each parent, they'll love sharing their experiences.
7. Agree on Shared Rules and Routines (if possible)
While each household is different, some basic consistency, like bedtimes or screen-time limits, can help your children feel more secure. If you can’t agree on everything, align on a few key values.
8. Use a Neutral Third Party if Needed
If conflict persists, consider:
Hiring a family mediator.
Speaking to a coach.
Using legal agreements or parenting plans to formalise the arrangements.
These steps don’t mean you’ve failed — they show you’re committed to protecting your children’s peace.
Final Thoughts
Summer holidays should be a time of joy, discovery, and bonding, not stress and conflict. By focusing on clear communication, shared respect, and above all, your children's emotional well-being, you can create a summer both you and your children will treasure.
Remember: It’s not about winning. It’s about working together to create a life where your children feel safe and happy.
Wishing you a summer full of love, laughter, and unforgettable memories.
With warmth,
Sarah x
Sarah SteeleAccredited Breakup, Separation and Divorce Coach & Master Practitioner, here to support you in building fair, child-focused co-parenting plans.
How can I support you on This Journey????
Navigating life after divorce can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. As a breakup and divorce coach, I help people like you shift their mindset, build confidence, and create a life they truly love.
Whether you need clarity, support, or practical tools, I’m here to guide you every step of the way.
Let’s speak soon.
Sarah
xx
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