Beginning Well: A Compassionate Roadmap for the Early Stages of Divorce

By Sarah Steele,  Breakup and Divorce Coach and Somatic Trauma Informed Coach

As we step into a new year, many people find themselves at the beginning of a chapter they never expected to write. January often brings clarity, resolve, or the quiet recognition that something must change. For some, 2026 may begin with the first steps of divorce, whether that means early conversations, legal filings, or simply the emotional knowing that a marriage is ending.

The early stage of divorce can feel disorienting, overwhelming, and deeply emotional. There may be moments of relief alongside grief, fear alongside determination.

If you are a person navigating this process, I want to offer a compassionate, steady roadmap for this beginning. One that honours not just the legal process, but the emotional, relational, and nervous-system realities of divorce.

A Gentle Roadmap for the Early Stage

Divorce is not a single event; it is a process. In the earliest phase, the most important focus is stabilisation, not solving everything at once. Many people feel pressure to make quick decisions, explain themselves perfectly, or “hold it together.” This phase is about creating enough internal and external support to move forward thoughtfully.

Common elements of the early stage include:

• Gathering legal and financial information

• Learning to communicate differently with your former partner

• Supporting children through change

• Managing intense emotions and uncertainty

• Building a support team that includes both legal and emotional guidance

  
  

Progress is rarely linear. Taking things one step at a time is not avoidance, but wisdom.

Coping Emotionally: Supporting Yourself First

Divorce often activates the body’s survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This can show up as reactivity, shutdown, people-pleasing, or feeling constantly on edge. These responses are not personal failures; they are the nervous system trying to protect you during a time of threat and loss.

Supporting yourself emotionally is not a luxury in divorce; it is essential.

Here are a few simple, grounding practices that can help that I recommend to my clients:

• Pausing before responding to emotionally charged messages or decisions

• Taking slow, steady breaths or gentle movement to settle the body

• Naming emotions without judging them or trying to “fix” them

• Reducing overwhelm by focusing on what needs attention today, not everything at once

When you are more regulated, you are better able to make clear decisions, communicate effectively, and show up for your children.

Supporting Children Through the Early Phase

One of the most common concerns parents have is, “How do I help my children through this without harming them?” The good news is that children do not need perfection; they need to feel safe.

Children benefit most from:

• Predictability and routines where possible

• Age-appropriate honesty without adult details

• Reassurance that they are loved and not responsible

• Emotional validation (“It makes sense you feel this way”)

• Being kept out of adult conflict and decision-making

Co-regulation matters more than explanation. When parents are supported and emotionally present, even while imperfect, children feel safer navigating change.

Telling Family and Friends: Sharing with Boundaries

Well-meaning family and friends can be a source of support or additional stress. Setting boundaries early can protect your emotional energy and reduce outside pressure.

Before sharing, consider:

• Who truly needs to know right now

• How much detail feels supportive versus draining

• What kind of support do you want (listening, practical help, space)

Helpful boundary language might sound like:

• “I’m sharing this because I value you, but I’m not ready for advice.”

• “We’re keeping details private, and I appreciate your understanding.”

• “Support means a lot right now, thank you for respecting our boundaries.”

  
  

You are allowed to change these boundaries as your needs evolve.

Practical Communication Tools During Divorce

Communication with a former partner is often one of the most challenging aspects of divorce, especially when emotions are high. When possible, the goal is not agreement, but clarity and containment.

Some practical tools that can help:

• Use written communication when emotions run high

• Stick to one topic per message to reduce escalation

• Respond rather than react, taking time before replying

• Keep communication child-focused and future-oriented

• Know when to involve a neutral professional for support

An open dialogue does not require trust or closeness. It requires regulation, intention, and support.

Moving Forward with Support

Divorce is not just a legal transition; it is a nervous-system, identity, and family transition.

The support people receive in the early stages can significantly shape how the entire process unfolds.

As a Divorce coach and Somatic Trauma-informed Practitioner, I work alongside individuals and families to provide grounding, emotional support, communication tools, and steady guidance throughout the divorce process.

I also collaborate with legal professionals to support clients beyond the paperwork, helping reduce reactivity, improve communication, and create more sustainable outcomes.

If you or someone you work with is at the beginning of this journey, you do not have to navigate it alone. Support can make this process feel less overwhelming, more intentional, and ultimately more humane.

Wishing you steadiness, clarity, and care as this new year begins.

Warmly,

Sarah

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