Planning for the Christmas Holidays After Divorce or Breakup
- sarahsteelecoachin
- Nov 6, 2025
- 4 min read
By Sarah Steele, Accredited Breakup and Divorce Coach and Trauma Informed Coach
How to Create Calm, Clarity, and Connection This Christmas
As November arrives, the holiday season begins to appear on the horizon, and with it, a mix of emotions for many divorced or separated parents. While Christmas can bring joy, it can also stir anxiety, sadness, and uncertainty, especially when it comes to arranging time with your children.
You may already be wondering how to divide the holidays, how to make it special for your children, and how to manage conversations with your ex. These are natural concerns, and it’s okay to feel uneasy. The good news? With some early preparation and a calm, structured approach, it is possible to create a holiday season that feels peaceful, balanced, and meaningful.
Start the Conversation Early
Now is the right time to start thinking and talking about Christmas. Leaving plans until December can create unnecessary stress and tension for everyone, especially the children. Early planning allows time for compromise, clear communication, and emotional adjustment.
A good place to begin is by writing down what you would ideally like your holiday time to look like. For example:
Which days or events are most important to you?
How would you like to share Christmas Day or Boxing Day?
Are there family gatherings or traditions you’d like your children to experience?
Once you’ve written down your preferences, you’ll have a starting point for discussion, not a demand, but a foundation to negotiate from. It helps to go into the conversation knowing what matters most to you, while also being prepared to listen and adapt.
Preparing for the Conversation
Approaching these discussions with calm and clarity makes a huge difference. Here are some trauma-informed strategies to help you prepare emotionally and practically:
Take a few deep breaths before you start. A calm body supports a calm mind.
Know what you want to say. Write down key points to stay focused and avoid getting sidetracked.
Practice beforehand. Rehearsing what you’d like to communicate can build confidence and reduce emotional reactivity.
Keep emotions in check. If the conversation becomes heated, take a pause and agree to revisit it later.
Use “I” statements such as, “I’d really like the children to see both of us over the holidays,” rather than “You never let me…”
Try to see your ex’s perspective. Even if you disagree, acknowledging their feelings can help defuse conflict.
Stay future-focused. Don’t bring up past grievances; focus on what works best now for the children.
Keep the Focus on the Children
At the heart of these conversations is one essential question: What is best for the children? Children benefit most when they see both parents cooperating and communicating respectfully. It gives them a sense of safety, stability, and belonging.
Encourage them to express their feelings about Christmas too, and reassure them that although things may look different this year, the love and celebration remain the same. Create opportunities for them to share ideas for new traditions or special moments with each parent.
Remember: the goal isn’t to split time perfectly down the middle, but to create an experience that feels emotionally balanced and supportive for your children.
Communication, Negotiation & Compromise
Effective co-parenting during the holidays is built on three key principles: communication, negotiation, and compromise.
Communication means being clear and honest about your needs, while staying respectful and calm.
Negotiation means understanding that both parents may need to give a little to reach a solution that works for everyone.
Compromise means prioritising the children’s happiness over personal preferences when necessary.
If a verbal conversation feels too emotionally charged, try communicating in writing. Emails or co-parenting apps can help you stay organised and allow time to think before responding. Always keep the tone neutral, polite, and focused on the children’s well-being.
And if you truly can’t agree despite your best efforts, you may need to seek legal or mediation advice, but view this as a final step, not a first one.
Planning Your Own Time
It’s natural to feel a sense of loss when the children spend time with their other parent, especially during the holidays. But this can also be an opportunity for rest, reflection, and renewal.
Use this time to:
Make plans with friends or family who lift your spirits.
Create new personal traditions, maybe a winter walk, a cosy movie night, or a weekend getaway.
Focus on self-care: journaling, reading, or doing something creative just for you.
Your children will benefit from seeing you grounded, content, and emotionally well. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential.
Final Thoughts
Christmas after divorce will be different, and that’s okay. Different doesn’t mean worse — it just means new. With thought, compassion, and communication, you can make this holiday season one that’s peaceful, meaningful, and full of small joys.
Remember, it’s not about getting everything perfect; it’s about creating moments that matter.
A Personal Note from Me
As a Trauma-informed breakup and Divorce coach, I know how emotionally charged the holidays can feel after separation. Please remember to take it one step at a time. Breathe, plan, communicate, and give yourself grace. You’re learning, growing, and showing up for your children, and that’s something to be proud of.
If you’d like help preparing for these conversations or creating a calm, confident co-parenting plan, I’m here for you.
Let’s make this season one of peace, balance, and renewed joy for you and your children.
With warmth and understanding,
Sarah
Trauma-Informed Breakup & Divorce Coach
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