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My top tips to help you feel calmer and in control when navigating communication through your Separation, Break up or Divorce.

Does this sound familiar?


You jump when your phone rings or bleeps to say you have a message.


Your email alert comes on to say you have a new email and you feel your heart racing and you start breathing quickly.


Your ex says or does something that makes you feel anxious and nervous.


There is no doubt that trying to communicate with an ex during your breakup or divorce can be extremely challenging. Emotions on both sides are high and this can leave you feeling stressed, anxious and exhausted, so much so that every conversation or communication fills you with dread.


Worrying about this can take over your life and absorb your every thought, making it very difficult for you to function at home or at work.


You may also be experiencing physical signs such as headaches, insomnia and stomach ache.


You may feel you are living in a high alert state, and indeed you are, as your reaction to the potential communication is your emotional brain detecting a threat, and sending you into ‘flight, fight or freeze ‘state.


This is why your heart races, and you feel your breathing rate increase.


During your breakup or divorce this state, if not managed can leave you feeling  paralysed and anxious, not able to process anything, yet alone respond effectively to an important email sent by your ex or solicitor.




Here are my top tips to help you cope better with divorce communication.


Most important BREATHE!


As soon as you feel yourself start to get stressed,


STOP, PAUSE, BREATHE


I know you have been breathing all your life but it’s so important to breath properly!


My favourite breathing technique that I use and share with my clients is:


Breathe in for 4 secs, hold for 7 and breathe out for 8.

If you can, close your eyes to fully associate and concentrate on your breath.


Try this 3-5 times and feel your shoulders drop and your heart rate slow.

Breathe and ENJOY the feeling of calm wash over you.




Here’s the secret – MAKE THIS YOUR POSITVE MANTRA!


STOP

PAUSE

BREATHE

THINK  - What do I want here? How do I want to show up?


Now feeling calmer and in control:


Think about how you want to respond.

What do you want to say? You may need time to give it some thought, write down exactly What you want to say ,so you get it right.

How do you want to show up?

What is the outcome you want from sending this message?


Taking the time to follow these simple steps prior to responding to any form of communication will ensure you respond with INTENTION not ANGER  or FEAR.


Put your energy into you controlling the controllable


You are in control of what you say, the words your use, your behaviour, responses and ultimately your choices.


You cannot control your ex, knowing this will free up your energy to concentrate on you.


Knowing that you are in control will put you back in the driver’s seat of your life.


You are in control of how you COMMUNICATE!


Knowing this gives you power!




Remember you always have a choice.


If you are at work, have an agreement with your ex ,that you will not be looking at any divorce communication in work hours, unless it’s in relation to the children.


You have the choice as to when to respond, sleep on it ,if necessary, give yourself time to reflect  AND process the message you have received.


To respond effectively take time, try going for a walk to give you time to work out what you want to say.


Turn your notifications off early in the evening for you to be able to relax!


Be calm and considerate in your response.


Super important is:


Answer only what is being asked.

Ignore any personal attacks that have been included to upset or evoke a reaction from you.

Do not add any personal feelings or retort.

Be concise and polite.



If you would like support to feel more in control of how you communicate and receive communication from your ex – please contact me. There are many more strategies I can share with you.


Sarah x

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