Coping with the Quiet: When the Children Are Away with Your Ex This Summer
- sarahsteelecoachin
- Jul 22
- 3 min read
By Sarah Steele, Accredited Breakup and Divorce Master Practitioner Coach
When the House Goes Quiet, Finding Peace When the children are away “Reclaiming Your Summer While Navigating the Silence”.
The first time your children go away for the summer with your ex can be disorienting. You may have been emotionally prepared for the logistics, but not for the overwhelming quiet that follows.
Whether it’s for a few days or several weeks, this can be one of the most challenging emotional stretches of co-parenting.
You’re not alone, and you don’t have to sit in silence without support. Let’s talk about how to navigate this with intention and care.
Acknowledge What You’re Feeling
It’s common to feel:
Grief over the time you’re not getting with your children.
Guilt for feeling relieved (yes, that’s normal too).
Loneliness from the sudden shift in energy and routine.
Anxiety, wondering what your ex is doing, or how your children are coping without you.
It’s important to start by validating your own emotional landscape. It’s okay to miss them, to feel untethered, to even feel a bit lost. That doesn’t make you vulnerable; it makes you human.
Sarah’s Tip: Try writing a letter (even if you don’t send it) to your children or to yourself. It can be incredibly healing. You can say that you miss them, but it’s also important to talk about what you are doing that’s bringing you joy!
Reclaim This Time for YOU
There is a flip side to this temporary pause: it’s space. Space to return to yourself.
Here’s what reclaiming can look like:
Creatively: Paint, write, garden, use this time to express yourself, plan a small home project.
Physically: Move your body in ways that feel good, yoga, walking in nature, dancing alone in the kitchen.
Socially: Catch up with friends, even if it's just one-on-one coffee dates. Rebuild your identity beyond “being a parent.”
This isn’t selfish, it’s essential restoration. The fuller you feel, the more grounded you’ll be when your children return.
Stay Connected (Without Hovering)
It’s perfectly natural to want to check in frequently with your children, especially if this is the first long stretch away. But over-contacting can put pressure on your children to “perform” their happiness or manage your feelings.
Instead:
Establish a routine for check-ins (e.g., every 2–3 days).
Use care packages, notes, or little gifts they can discover while away.
Send light-hearted messages like “I saw this and thought of you” to stay connected without being intrusive.
When the Emptiness Feels Too Big
Use this quiet time to reconnect with parts of yourself you’ve been neglecting. It may feel foreign at first, but over time, it can become nourishing.
Ask yourself:
What have I always wanted to try?
Who was I before I became a parent?
What can I build now that supports the next chapter of my life?
Start a journal; this will also become a reference to how far you have come.
This isn’t the end of your story, it’s a new beginning.
As hard as the quiet can be, it also holds space for healing, reflection and rediscovery. You’re not alone in this. Every parent navigating shared custody knows the ache, and this opportunity. Be gentle with yourself and use this time to reconnect with yourself.
If the silence seems overwhelming and unfamiliar, and you’re not sure where to start, I’m here to help.
Let’s talk about how to turn those quiet moments into a foundation for strength and growth.
Sarah x
Accredited Breakup and Divorce Coach Helping You Rebuild After Divorce, one step at a time.
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