Finding Your Feet in the Early Days of Separation or Divorce

By Sarah Steele, Accredited Breakup and Divorce Master Practitioner Coach

As summer ends and life returns to routine, you may have noticed cracks in your relationship becoming more visible. The long days together, shifts in routines, and heightened expectations can bring underlying tensions to the surface. You may even have made the difficult decision to separate or divorce your partner.

If you’re in this space right now, you might be feeling a mix of shock, sadness, anger, confusion, perhaps even relief in moments.

These emotions often follow a pattern similar to the grief cycle: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and eventually, acceptance. Not everyone moves through these stages in order, and you may circle back to certain feelings again and again.

I want you to know that’s it’s a normal, human response to a profound life change.

In the early days, it’s easy to feel as though your emotions are running the show. That’s why it’s important to find ways to settle your emotions so you can think clearly, make wise decisions, and protect your well-being.

So here are a few of the simple tips I share with my clients to help you:

1. Ground Yourself Before Taking Action

When emotions surge, your nervous system can shift into “fight, flight, or freeze” mode. This can make every conversation feel more charged.

Try: Pause before responding to your ex. Take three slow breaths, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and feel your body supported by the chair beneath you.

Why it helps: This physical grounding signals to your brain that you are safe in this moment, helping reduce reactivity.

2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

You don’t have to “be strong” every moment. Tears, frustration, and moments of disbelief are part of processing change.

• Journaling can be a safe space to unload thoughts without fear of judgment.

• Talking to a friend, therapist, or coach can help you untangle emotions and see patterns.

• Avoid shaming yourself for how you feel; emotions are neither right nor wrong, they are information.

3. Keep the Children Out of the Middle

Children thrive on stability and reassurance, especially during big changes.

• Speak to them in age-appropriate ways: “Mum and Dad will be living in different houses, but we both love you and will always be your parents.”

• Keep routines as consistent as possible; familiar schedules and rituals offer them a sense of safety.

• Avoid making them messengers or asking them to take sides.

  
  

  

  4. Communicate with Calm Clarity

  If speaking directly with your ex is difficult, establish clear boundaries around how and when you communicate.

  • Use tools like Our Family Wizard or Talking Parents to keep exchanges focused and documented.

  • Stick to logistics, dates, times, and arrangements, and avoid slipping into past grievances.

  • When emotions rise, take a step back rather than sending a message in the heat of the moment.

  • Think about what you want to say, write it down and practice it in the mirror.

  5. Protect Your Mental & Physical Health

  Your emotional state is closely tied to your physical well-being.

  • Prioritise sleep, exhaustion amplifies emotional reactions.

  • Nourish your body with regular meals, even if your appetite is low.

  • Incorporate gentle movement, a walk, stretching, or yoga to help release tension.

6. Build Your Support Network

You don’t have to go through this alone.

• Reach out to friends and family you trust.

• Consider joining a support group or working with a divorce coach like me.

• Surround yourself with people who can hold space for you without judgment and without fuelling conflict.

Final Thought from me

The early stages of separation or divorce can feel like you’re living in a fog. But with small, deliberate steps, you can find moments of calmness and clarity, even amidst the uncertainty. Every grounded breath, every respectful boundary, and every act of self-care is a brick in the foundation of your next chapter.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, please know you are not broken; you are navigating one of life’s most challenging transitions.

With the right tools and support, you will find your balance again.

Warmly

Sarah x

Separation, Breakup and Divorce Coach  

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