Loneliness vs. Solitude: Coping with Quiet Summer Evenings Alone

By Sarah Steele Breakup and Divorce Coach

Summer brings longer days, warm nights, and the soft hum of social buzz, picnics, garden parties, families gathered in the garden. For many, it’s a season of connection. But if you’re newly divorced or going through a breakup, it can feel like the loneliest time of the year.

You might find yourself asking: What do I do with these quiet evenings? Why does everyone seem to have someone , except me? That ache of loneliness is real. But what if I told you that these quiet moments could also become sacred ground for healing, reflection, and even joy?

As a divorce coach, I help clients shift from simply “surviving” the evenings to embracing solitude , not as something to endure, but as something that can nurture and empower.

Here are some tools and strategies I share in coaching sessions to help you reframe loneliness into meaningful solitude.

🧭 1. Acknowledge the Loneliness — Without Shame

First, let’s drop the guilt. Feeling lonely doesn’t mean you’re failing at healing. It means you're human. Name it: I feel lonely tonight. Accepting the feeling makes it less powerful. Resistance fuels pain; compassion dissolves it.

Coaching strategy: Try a “loneliness check-in” journal. Ask yourself:

• What am I feeling right now?

• What do I need, connection, comfort, rest, distraction?

• Can I give that to myself in some small way?

🪷 2. Redefine Solitude as Self-Connection

Solitude isn’t about being without others, it’s about being with yourself. You are building a new relationship: with you. That means learning your rhythms, your preferences, your needs.

Coaching strategy: Choose one evening this week to create a “Solo Ritual.”

• Light a candle, play music you love, make your favourite tea or a mocktail.

• Read, write, sketch, or sit under the stars, not because you’re alone, but because you’re worthy of your own time.

📵 3. Limit Passive Scrolling — Choose Nourishing Input

It’s easy to fall into a social media spiral,  and that often fuels comparison and sadness. You deserve better than that.

Coaching tip: Replace one evening scroll session with a nourishing alternative:

• A podcast that inspires or soothes

• A short walk around the neighbourhood

• Reading something uplifting or escapist

• Calling a friend who “gets it”

Solitude is about what you let in, too.

💛 4. Create Mini-Evening Anchors

When your day ends in chaos or silence, your nervous system needs signals that you’re safe and supported.

Coaching strategy: Build small, repeatable rituals that say: I care for me.

• Wash your face slowly and mindfully.

• Stretch while listening to calming music.

• Write down 3 things you did well today, no matter how small.

These practices aren’t “self-help fluff” , they’re nervous system care during a profound life shift.

🤝 5. Reach for Connection — Gently and Intentionally

Solitude doesn’t mean isolation. It’s okay to want company. But don’t settle for noise ,choose intentional connection.

Coaching tip: Make a list of safe, low-pressure connection points:

• Invite someone for a walk or coffee

• Join a local book group, workshop, or pilates class

• Volunteer for a cause close to your heart

You're not meant to do this alone. And you don’t have to.

✨ You're in Transition — Not Stuck

If you’re spending your summer evenings alone and hurting, I want you to know this is a chapter, not the whole story. Loneliness is a signal, not a sentence. With the right support and tools, solitude can become a deeply empowering part of your healing.

💬 Ready for Deeper Support?

If you're tired of the emotional rollercoaster and want someone in your corner to help you navigate this next season with clarity and strength , I’d love to work with you.

👉 Book a free discovery call with me here to talk about what you need, where you’re stuck, and how we can build a path forward — together.

With warmth and understanding,

Sarah x

Certified  Breakup and Divorce Coach

P.S. I’ve been where you are. I remember the ache of those long, quiet evenings too well. And I also remember the day they began to feel like peace instead of pain. You’ll get there , and I’m here to help you.