The early stages of the breakdown of your relationship can be extremely overwhelming, and you may feel ‘like the rug’ has been swept from underneath you.
The roller coaster of emotions, you may experience, can leave you feeling paralysed and completely feeling at a loss of what do next.
Let me tell you, that this is a completely normal response, and you are not alone.
Sharing my techniques, will immediately help you to handle the early days of your separation better, helping you to feel calmer and more in control.
Don’t stuff down your emotions.
It’s so important, not to shy away from what you are feeling.
The simple thing to do is to acknowledge the emotion you are experiencing, lean into it, and learn to get ‘comfortable with the uncomfortable’ this will take away the fear and the intensity of that emotion.
Know it is normal to cry, know its normal at this stage to ‘not feel ok’ about the reality you find yourself in. ‘It’s ok not to be ok.’
Learn to accept that your emotions will flow in and out like a wave ,and sometimes you will feel ok 1 minute, and 5 minutes later you won’t. This is totally normal.
Try this :
When you feel the negative emotion coming in, simply name it, let it come, then take a few deep breaths, and imagine you are in your happy place, a warm bath, walking on a windy beach, in a pool with the sun on your face, and breathe.
It will pass.
Try this:
Learn to turn off that emotion and anxiety, by using the power of your breath.
You have the power to do this.
Scientific studies support this.
Breathe in for 5 , hold for 2 and breathe out for 7, whilst doing this go back in your mind, to your happy place, noticing what you are seeing, hearing and feeling, feel yourself releasing and relaxing.
Repeat this for 3-4 breaths.
Stop telling your story, this will stop you re-engaging with your negative emotions.
When you refer to your ex, don’t use their full name, use their initial, this will help dial down your emotional response.
Find your Breakup support group.
Make sure that you have the right friends to support you, friends that make you laugh, and lift you up, but don’t relish in the drama.
Find friends that can offer you supportive help, picking up the children, collecting you to go for a walk , picking up some shopping, organising to take you for a coffee, these friends can be a lifeline at this time.
Be careful of the friend that wants to tell you what to do, you are you, and your situation is unique to you, and not theirs to take over.
Be kind to yourself.
Plan your days to keep busy, but also allocate time to do something for you.
Treat yourself as you would your best friend, with kindness, patience and compassion.
Train your body to feel better.
You might not feel like it but it’s important to smile!
Our mind and body are one, and when you smile it will instantly make you feel better, give it a go and see.
Look after your body.
Be good to yourself and your body.
Stress during a divorce, can cause physical problems, by taking time to exercise, get out into the fresh air, eat regularly and healthily , get enough sleep, will help you to ensure you keep s both emotionally and physically strong, to cope with the complexities that the breakup of a relationship brings.
And Finally
Write a diary ,of how you are feeling, dump down those negative emotions, to make space in your head.
Take off those rose-tinted glasses and focus on the things that weren’t perfect and rosy in your relationship .
When we remember the bad times and the things that made us unhappy, it helps to remind us that we deserve better!
Stop following your ex on social media!
What they may be posting is probably what they want you to see!
Don’t give them the satisfaction.
This sends them a clear message, that you are not interested, and you are moving on.
Tune into how by trying some of these strategies, you start to notice yourself feeling better.
I hope you find these tips helpful.
Sarah x
If you need support, please get in touch to explore how I can help you.
07814 010 878
Comments